The Czech (aka Stage Fright)

Two steps forward, one step back, amiright? My next carnal encounter came not from someone new and exciting, or even new, and most definitely not exciting (but more on that later). For you see, whilst the Black Belt and I were still together, we decided to go on a break (in my head is Ross screaming that at Rachel just FYI). So yes, the break lasted eight months and had only a few simple rules…no hooking up with someone at a party/event the other was attending, no multiple visits to the same person and no one we knew.

Well I broke every single one of those rules. Every. Single. One.

The first way I broke those rules was with my ex-boyfriend. My first ever boyfriend, pre-black belt era when I was so ASTONISHED that someone found me, slow maturing gangly legged awkward ME attractive that we were dating not two weeks later. Enter The Czech.

The Czech and I went to high school together, he smiled at me across the library in year 11 and that was that. His best friend was Rosemary (neither a girl nor a real name) and Rosemary’s cousin was The Black Belt, and that’s how we met cause I’m classy and shit. When I left the Czech and was dating the Black Belt not long later, HUGE scandal in the Czech community. Our relationship didn’t last too long though (aka, I realised I was batting well below my average, but ladies, as if we haven’t all done that). While we were together, The Czech and I never took it past the hands stuff stage…though we did try once and it just didn’t work out. And on this stellar record and after a few too many frozen daquiris from some bar on Chapel st that let you play toss the boss (surely a girl cant win THAT many times in a row) I was drunk enough to give it a second crack. Turns out, it wasn’t just chance the first time, it was nerves, as the little Czech couldn’t rise to the occasion. Well, that’s incorrect, he did, then he saw me naked and the pressure got to much for him and he bailed. I’ve always wondered if The Czech got over his stage fright, but I dont give nearly enough shits to ask. Besides, that’s a level of creep that’s extreme even for me!

A short, rather savoury story…and onto my next lot of rule breaking!


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