Aisle Five

Honestly, I’m not quite sure how I met Aisle Five. I know Nurse Betty introduced us, but not when. Or why. But he is yet another classic example of the old giant penis on the tiny frame schtick.

Aisle Five got his moniker not just because he worked in a supermarket, Coles to be precise, but because he introduced me to this rather amusing little gambit he and his coworkers used to run. When one of the boys in the know spotted a particularly fetching female, they would make a subtle dash for the PA system and announce a code in the particular aisle. Normally these codes stand for a clean up, or knocked display or whatever other bullshit needs announcing. The fun was then how many of the boys could subtly make their way to the aisle in question for a geeze. Realllll classy gents.

Aisle Five’s story is quite amusing. I’m actually fairly confident we’d had sex prior to this, and I’m pretty sure it was mind blowing and I was famously drunk, but beyond that “fairly confidence” I havent got much. What I do have, in quite specific detail, is round two.

After a couple of messages exchanged, I headed around to his place approximately 11pm one evening. He was sitting in his backyard by a little fire with two mates whom I greeted and promptly forgot. I’m not here to fuck spiders mate (whoever brought that particular gem back into my life, you champion!). Anyway, after I got that particular point across, we make tracks for his room. What followed wasnt a disappointing 5-10mins of my life, but in comparison to our drunken escapade previously, it was a very poor relation. I decided my time was up, got up, got dressed with a “well, I gotta go…”. Aisle Five protested, saying surely I could stay a little longer. Yeah, nah, no thanks bucko. I then sauntered out of his room, and back through his house to the backyard, cheerfully announced that my work was done to his two round eyed mates and strolled down his driveway to my car.

I later heard he actually chased me out of his house wrapped in his doona and nearly fell into the fire and thought better of it.

Needless to say, did not go back.

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