The Biker

The Biker was one of the most persistent men I’ve ever known. And also probably one of the shortest. I was the first girl he ever had to chase. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Biker and I first met at a house party where I was rather hammered and we made out on someones front porch, right as I was about to leave to go home to the house I shared with The Black Belt. I gave him my number, but never heard from him.

Fast forward two years, The Model and I were coming to the end of our relationship (more on that later) and I got a text, out of the blue, from the Biker. Turns out Nurse Betty had told his friends that I was underage, only 16, and that was why he never messaged. Then he’d caught up with a mutual friend, who revealed I hadn’t been 16, I’d been 19 at the time, and was now nigh on 22 and he messaged me straight away.

I danced around his affections for weeks, we only hung out in groups of mutual friends. We drank at bars, we played pool, we hung out at one of his friends place (just four of us) and listened to music whilst sinking cans. He tried and tried and tried. I evaded and laughed it off and danced away. Then the Model and I broke up and I gave in. The first morning I stayed over, he told me when I got up that, oh, fyi, currently living back at home whilst saving for his house deposit and he had a tonne of brothers and sister and his mum could be quite judgmental. Great. He sweetened the deal by cooking me breakfast while I showered and made myself family presentable. I ventured to the kitchen to see his mum staring at him cooking breakfast. Turned out he’d never done that for a woman before. Ever.

His mother ended up proposing to me, awkwardly after we broke up, but thats how charming I was.

Anyway. The Biker and I had been officially dating for a week before I slept with someone else. There was a few over the time we were dating. I just couldnt take him seriously.

Plus, having sex with him was kind of like having sex with a drill. Speed of thrusts isnt something to try and win awards for gentlemen, just FYI. We dont enjoy that.

I did once give him a huge hickie when we had sex in someone else’s bed while we got walked in on by a dog who then wouldn’t leave.

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